In the wake of reciprocal rates that land with all the finesse of a cannonball dive in a whirlpool, President Trump decided to suspend them temporarily for most countries (while increasing the prices of China to 125%).
The problem? Last week, Trump's army, the speaking leaders and the Twitter commandos pushed his theory “without pain, without gain” as if it was the sermon on the mountain, while insisting that it was the hard love that America needed. Thus, while Trump struts by declaring victory, as if all of this was a masterclass in the geopolitical edge and not a half -cooked anger crisis, his faithful soldiers turn in the wind – on the file, the laughable justifications for parloring for an industrial policy plan, their guy is clearly guts, nor the duration of attention, to finish.
For the file:
7:18 p.m. April 14, 2025The legend of the photo with this piece was updated to identify Jessica Tarlov on the image and explain that Jeanine Pirro is far from the camera.
I have receipts. And before these painfully clumsy justifications are quietly mixed with the big memory hole where the bad taken will die, let me immortalize some of the most inspired defenses that have been trotted to sell this mess.
Let's start with Jesse Watters – Golden Retriever, enthusiastic of Fox News, in a blazer – who seriously said that “The prices are for children. “”
It is the last refuge of a scoundrel; Apparently, we are supposed to consider the prices as a kind of noble sacrifice, like planting a tree that you never sit down, only with less shade and more inflation. “Let's go, Jimmy – I made your legos cost 30% more, so you can grow, patriotic and perpetually broken.”
The co-host of Fox News, Jeanine Pirro, jumped by worrying for children and went directly to not worry about her retirement account, adage“I don't care about my 401 (K) today … I believe this man.” The involvement seems to be that the Dow Jones should work on vibrations and an unshakable devotion.
Well, so much the better for you, judge. I just hope that your Uber Eating Application accepts the spiritual currency, because the blind faith does not cover the Mozzarella sticks.
Likewise, Ainsley Earhardt of “Fox & Friends” approved the idea that we should simply trust Trump. “Give him time. He is a billionaire. He knows what he does, ” She said. This is the classic American logical loop: the rich are intelligent because they are rich, and they are rich because they are intelligent.
Now you may think their blind faith in Trump has been justified. After all, Trump may have gotten closer to the edge, but he fell before catastrophic damage occurred. Consult the stock market, however. And look at our relations with other nations of the world. Damage has already been caused.
This brings us to some of the other lines of argument that have been blindfolded.
The right -wing podcaster, Benny Johnson, tried to make a Zen turn on the free economic fall, saying: “No one has ever had their sculpted net value on their tombstone. “Johnson has also channeled your favorite hippie aunt, saying that money is only” digital and zeros “, man.
Of course. Until those in your bank account are exhausted and zeros are nailed to your rent bill.
And then there is Fox Business Larry Kudlow – Once a free trader proud, now just another guy blowing Trump smoke – saying: “Buying cheap products is not real prosperity. “What else do you know is prosperity, Larry?
And who could forget the legend of Fox News “Trump's virile crazy” who jumped on the screen during a segment in which Watters said that “When you sit behind a screen all day, that makes you a woman. “What is a strange flex from a guy who is literally paid to sit behind a screen all day.
And just when you think the excuses could not go crazier, The strangest theory (that Trump shared on social networks!) Alleged that the president was intentionally Cut the economy to reduce interest rates so that we can refinance our debt-a kind of break of 4D-Meets-Psychotic chess.
I am not even sure to fully understand how it was supposed to work, because this kind of delusional thinking generally emerges until having looked “ProducersOn mushrooms.
Taken together, these various Trumpian Hot catches were not serious rationalizations; These are desperate attempts to throw rhetorical spaghetti on the wall and hope that something sticks.
They could all coexist in the same whirlwind of chaos – belief on logic, loyalty to evidence, vibrations on value – which Rush Limbaugh called something “bogus of plastic banana in good time and roll”. It was like a book “Choose your own adventure”, until Trump decides that it was time for the story to end (or, at least, a break). .
Trump's specialty is not a policy; It is the art of performance. Remember that the next time something like it happens. (Index: we could all redo this in 90 days – when the Trump price “pause” expires.)
Matt K. Lewis is the author of “Rich Politicians” and “too stupid to fail”.
