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If perfectionism is something that has accompanied you throughout your life, you probably have a romantic relationship. Sometimes you deeply feel this part of you. How does not let you leave the house look like that and how it reprimands you if you do it. How he looks and always separates. Other times, you are strangely proud of how far you need – which looks like momentary highs of haughty arrogance, external validation successes and this ephemeral feeling of being better (not – the best) to all that is in comparison. But no matter what you can never “get there”; You never feel quite “well enough”.
Perfectionism is a bit like an abusive relationship with ourselves where we are those who distributed intermittent strengthening as crisp remains of bread. Sometimes we get a lateral eye – “it was decent” – and other times, we get a direct look – “You are not worth anything.” Not surprising that we continue to do everything possible to avoid the latter and not surprising that so much these days can be brutal.
Many people I know resign to this dynamic in themselves. They claim perfectionism as an integral part of their personality. I used to. It was before I knew through my training and to work with hundreds of customers that perfectionism is not who we are. It is rather what we learned to do in an innocent attempt to heal something that was injured along the way. It is this cropping and a revolutionary knowing that it changes all this damn: perfectionism is in fact one of your best friends inside; He just has a spoiled way to show it.
In Internal family systemsPerfectionism is considered an internal “manager” – a protective part of us who does everything she can, well, protect us. Think of the things you tend to be a perfectionist: food, weight, realization, work, intelligence, image and appearance? Now follow the thread back and I bet you will find relevant injuries earlier in the perfectionism of the area that appears to you today. Perfectionism only does everything it needs to try to manage you, you and your world, so that this thing does not happen or does not hurt you anymore as it did then.
Perfectionism is not who we are. It is rather what we learned to do in an innocent attempt to heal something that was injured along the way.
Despite their best intentions, our perfectionist parts erod our mind and drain our lives of time, energy and confidence. They break down and separate us. They are not durable and they are certainly not pleasant.
So what can we do?
We heal what perfectionism still feels the need to protect. In Ifs, these parts of us are called exiles. The exiled parts of us have charges, trauma and injuries of our young years. They can be individual injuries, like this thing, this thing has happened and you have never overcome it. They can also be collective charges, such as unrealistic expectations imposed on the body of women by patriarchy or intergenerational injuries of systemic racism.
Healing is like being with it, to feel and to allow the parts of us and to pain that remained silent to finally have a voice and a witness. We are told that “what is happening in the past is in the past”, but similar to what Carl Jung said: “Until you make the unconscious unconscious, it will direct your life and call it fate”, until we heal our unclafted parts, we will organize our life through and around them.
It is the heart of the reason for which we have created the Best bad days online. To help you educate and allow you to know that perfectionism is achievable and hearable, that you are concerned with perfectionism or that you consider it a way of life. In the five -week online course, I prepare for a short time so that you work with the parties of you who cause you the most struggle and conflict. Because the bad days will continue to come, but they don't have to be so brutal.
Recover mental real estate
We waste so much mental space trying to be perfect. When we cannot risk the potential consequences of being simply ourselves, we replay and replay in advance what we will say, what we will wear, how we will keep it “together” so that we can keep our show intact. When you no longer feel the need to do it, you present yourself and discover it as you go. Much easier.
Save time And Energy
I used to write and rewrite lists of tasks if I made a little writing error. Talk about a waste of time. With perfectionism healed to a deeper level, you know when to really apply your attention and when letting it go, which allows both time and energy – two resources that we always need.
More defense of defense
When we are stuck in the trance of perfectionism, we often play life on defense, by orienting our behavior around what we do not want. Ideally, our actions and our world focus on what we want to cultivate and feed. The healing of perfectionism frees us to do more.
Your being is no apologies
When we have not worked with or looked at our deeper programming, we can live unconsciously as if our very being was excuses. We find ourselves apologizing for having taken up the place. To need. For existing. It is a way of living without power that slowly erodes our essence and our vitality.
Win more internal space
When our internal landscape is not dominated by our criticism, we have more space to dream, ask ourselves and hear our limits and our limits. We have room inside to explore who we are against who we think we are. We must refuse noise to be able to hear our truth, be clear and lead us in life, work and relationships.
Work better
When we are aligned inside, we feel in peace. Imagine a flock of flying birds in different directions. Chaos, right? Imagine them now in a small V well tidied up in the direction of the same direction. This is how we want our family of internal parts to work – together. When we help to cure perfectionism, we get this part of us who fights to work for us – and let me tell you that we are better together inside than us when we disagree.
Join Kate, Wit & Delight, and I as first students in Best bad days online Where I will guide you through the step-by-step process, I have led hundreds of customers to cure their perfectionism, to befriend their criticism and to learn to relate to themselves in an entirely new way. Thanks to the course, you will have access to personalized weekly lessons, guided meditations and live group coaching calls weekly where you will learn the “how” of healing.
Look at my recent Live Instagram Where I discuss the best days online and answer some of your questions.
More ways to do the work
Find a therapist
I do this work with customers. You can know more about my work hereAnd you can also find an excellent list of suppliers on the IFS directory here.
Meditate
I recommend all the meditations of Tara Brach or Richard Schwartz on Timer. I am also a teacher on Insight at @dranna. 🙂
Mount your carpet
It can be difficult to stop and sit with our inner perfectionist, but yoga has a punch when it comes to calming and soothing the nervous system.
To go out
Walking is more than fresh air supply. It also activates both sides of our brain with bilateral stimulation – we therefore literally process the information and places where we are stuck. It's useful when you work through something stimulating!
Journal, track and recording
I think journalization and the use of a planner can be excellent tools to keep an eye on our goals, our progress and our needs. I like Kate products To do exactly that.
Dr. Anna Roth is a holistic doctoral psychologist and a recorded yoga teacher passionate about integrative treatment approaches and embodied in mental health. It prosperous to identify deep causes and provide a strategic intervention as multidimensional as the humans it helps.
Soulté and holistic, the Dr. Roth method folds in the best of psychology, somatic, spirituality, mindfulness, functional medicine and yoga to provoke a deep and lasting healing. Often, in therapy, mental health practitioners focus on the neck, examining what people think, rather than what they feel. Anna recommends a wider goal, digging in the clues that people get from their minds, their body and their mind to reinvent healing from a new point of view. She is currently working in private practice and accepts new customers.
To learn more about its modern mental health program for women Click here or look at it website For more information.
